That Secret Crush Read online

  So I stroke her back and say, “Just some new investment he’s doing—he wanted to get my opinion.” Not entirely a lie, just not the full truth. “The boys came over because they wanted to share a meatball sub. We haven’t had one together in a while.” I hold up the sub to her. “Want a bite?”

  She studies me, and in her eyes I see the questions starting to brew, the suspicion that I’m holding something back. She glances down at the sub and then takes it.

  I can feel the moment a small fissure fractures the space between us, born from my little lie of omission. She knows it; I know it—I just hope it doesn’t do too much damage.

  “I love a good meatball,” she says before taking a bite, but her voice isn’t the same; her excitement isn’t there. She knows me too well, knows that what I just told her isn’t the full truth.

  The question is, Will she ever call me out on it?

  I sure as hell hope not.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  EVE

  “He’s lying to me,” I say, falling back on my bed and looking up at my apartment’s cracked and chipped ceiling.

  “What?” Avery says, her voice over the phone scratchy from the early hour.

  I haven’t been able to sleep the past few days, not since Reid had his conversation with his dad. He was off that night, and though I could tell he was trying to be normal, his laughter wasn’t genuine, and his attention was never completely there.

  And we didn’t have sex.

  He said he just wanted to cuddle instead.

  Sweet, I know, but that’s not Reid. He’s stripping me down every chance he can get. Even when he visits me at work, he tries to take me to the back to do naughty things—as he likes to say. He’s rabid when it comes to sex, so when I started to peel off my clothes for him, and he just pulled me in close, claiming he wanted to hold me instead . . . that was my first major warning sign.

  From there, it’s gotten worse. A claim that he was too busy to meet up, missed text messages, and a quick phone call last night, telling me he was going out of town and that he would hopefully see me when he gets back.

  Hopefully.

  As if maybe when he gets back he won’t see me.

  What the fuck is that about?

  “Reid,” I say, trying not to panic. “He’s lying to me.”

  Avery gasps, alert now. “Did he cheat on you? I swear I will fly up there and cut his dick off; then he really will be cursed.”

  “He’s not cheating on me.” At least not that I know of . . . no, I mentally shake my head. Reid isn’t like that. The Knightlys aren’t like that. And if Reid did cheat on me, I’m sure Avery wouldn’t be the first one in line to chop his dick off. First his mom, then Jen, then I’m sure his dad, followed up by all his brothers. If anything, the Knightlys are the most loyal clan I’ve ever met. If you’re in with them, you’re in for life. It’s why even when Reid and Eric were in culinary school and doing their restaurant thing, and I was back home taking care of my parents, the Knightlys would check in on me, offer up little deliveries of fudge. They did what they could and are a huge reason why I don’t think Reid would ever cheat.

  “Okay, well, that’s good, because chopping off penises just doesn’t seem like something fun to do. Not to get gory, but do you use a meat cleaver? Pruning shears? An axe?”

  “It’s too early for that kind of questioning.”

  “Hey, don’t you give me sass—you’re the one who called me. I was having a wonderful dream about the choreographer I take tap lessons from. You should see his thighs, Eve. Bigger than my head. I want to know what they feel like wrapped around me while I blow him, and I was just getting to the good stuff when you called.”

  I rub my hand across my forehead, my patience wearing thin at the visual—those massive legs encircling my friend’s head. “That’s a little too much for me to handle right now.” The man calves are hairy. I take a deep breath, banishing them from my mind. “I’m sorry for interrupting your dream, but I really have no one else to talk to about this. All my girlfriends here are kind of tied in with Reid somehow.”

  “Then tell me everything. We can dissect it.”

  “Well, he had a conversation with his dad and said it was about some sort of investment but didn’t go into any more detail. I could tell it shook him because he was acting weird that night. I didn’t push the matter, though, because I’m still trying to get to that level of trust with Reid.”

  “He doesn’t trust you? That seems pretty fucked up. You’ve known each other for such a long time. At this point, you should be one of the only people he trusts.”

  I can’t deny that she’s right.

  “I know, but this is also a different kind of trust. It’s the boyfriend-girlfriend trust. We’ve been friends, but we’ve never explored our feelings until now. And if I’ve learned anything over the last few weeks, it’s that Reid really doesn’t tell anyone anything. He holds everything in. Even when he and Eric were close, I don’t think he spoke up much.”

  “Yeah, I can see that. But maybe you could be that person for him, the one he confides in.”

  “I want to be, but I’m just not sure he wants that.”

  “Why? Hasn’t he been all over you since you two got together?”

  “Yes, he has. It’s been really great, and I’m not just talking about all the sex.” Avery sighs dreamily at that. “He knows how to comfort me,” I continue, “take care of me. It’s the little things, like bringing me scones, candles, checking in on me after a long day, helping me study. We’ve been so involved in each other’s lives, and then something shifted after he talked with his dad. I can feel that he’s starting to pull away, but I have no idea why.”

  “Do you think his dad warned him away from you?”

  “No, Mr. Knightly wouldn’t do that. I even saw him around town the other day, and he stopped to whisper to me how happy he was that I was with Reid.”

  “Yeah, you’re right, that man is an angel in plaid. Then I wonder what he said.”

  “Whatever he talked about has thrown Reid for a loop. I haven’t seen him since that night; his texts are lackluster . . . then he told me he’s leaving town, and do you know what he said?” I pull on a strand of hair, my frustration needing an outlet.

  “What?” Avery asks, the edge in her voice telling me she’s about ready to pounce.

  “That when he gets back, he’ll hopefully see me.”

  “Hopefully? What the hell does that mean? Did you tell him he damn well better see you?”

  “I didn’t respond. I didn’t know what to say. Hopefully is such a weird way of putting things. Like, is he going to get eye surgery and maybe it will go wrong? Is there a chance he might not literally see me?”

  “I don’t think that’s it, but nice try there.”

  I groan, sit up from my bed, and reach for my water bottle, taking a long pull from the straw. “I thought I would give it a try. Ugh, I don’t know what to do, Avery. I wish I could be that girl who plays it aloof, gives him the silent treatment, and shows him what he’d be missing, but I don’t think I can.”

  “Here, I can be that girl for you. Forward your phone to mine; I’ll tell him a thing or two about hopefully seeing you when he gets back.”

  “You would destroy him. I don’t think I want that. Not at this point at least, but I’ll keep the offer in my back pocket.”

  “It’s always there.”

  I chuckle. “Reid has always required a little more patience than his brothers, and if he’s going through something difficult right now, the last thing he needs is for someone to shut him out.”

  “But that’s what he’s doing to you.”

  “Reciprocating bad behavior doesn’t make it better.”

  “It’s disgusting how mature you are.”

  “I’ll try to be more childish in the future.”

  “It would be appreciated.” She claps her hands, so I know I’ve been on speakerphone. “Okay, so what’s the plan? We need a plan. Do we need to
take nude shots of you and send them to Reid, remind him what he’s pushing away?”

  “You should know better than anyone to never suggest nude shots, given your profession.”

  “Hey, they’re not of me. I know better than to send nudies to people, but I mean . . . you can.”

  “No!” I gasp, and she chuckles in response. Even though Avery hasn’t been too helpful in the solution department, I’m still glad I called her. She’s eased the weight that’s been pushing down on my chest ever since I walked into Reid’s houseboat. “I think I might just keep trying to talk to him. You know? Let him know I’m here if he needs me.”

  “God,” Avery breathes out. “That man is so freaking lucky to have you—no joke. You are one of a kind, Eve.”

  “Hey, so are you.”

  “Yeah, because I dream of giant man thighs wrapping around my neck.”

  I can’t argue with that.

  Eve: Hey, I just wanted to let you know I’m thinking about you.

  I send the text, not really expecting anything back, so when my phone starts ringing and Reid’s name flashes across the screen, I’m truly shocked. Water sloshes around me as I sit up in the tub, the bubbles barely covering me up. I set my glass of wine on the floor and answer.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey,” he says, his voice smooth, calm.

  “Hey, you. I wasn’t expecting a call.”

  “Why not?”

  “You’ve just seemed a little distant, that’s all. But I’m glad you called. It’s nice to hear your voice.”

  “I needed to hear yours.”

  The hairs on the back of my neck rise. “Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah, just long fucking day. What are you up to?”

  “Taking a bath.”

  “I wish I was there with you.”

  I can’t deny the relief that fills me at those words.

  “If you were, you wouldn’t fit in this tub. I think you’ve forgotten, but my apartment isn’t exactly a luxury villa.”

  “You could sit on my dick—then we would have plenty of room.”

  “I should have seen that coming.”

  He laughs, the sound dangerously sexy. “You fit best on my dick, Eve. You should know that by now.”

  “How could I possibly forget? Hmm . . . maybe because you left without showing me your dick last time.” It’s supposed to come out as a joke, but I can hear an edge to my voice.

  “Yeah, I’m hating myself for that.” He hesitates for a second, but when he speaks up again, his voice holds a hint of raw emotion I wasn’t expecting. “Hey, babe, I’m sorry.”

  Four simple words, but they’re all it takes for tears to well in my eyes. The true regret in his voice—this is why I didn’t shut him out. I know that he’s going through something, and the last thing he needs is drama from me.

  “Sorry for what?” I ask, still wanting some specificity.

  “For being weird lately. I’m just . . . trying to figure some crap out. It has nothing to do with you, with us, but I know it’s affecting what we have, and I want you to know I’m sorry. I’ll get it straightened out. I won’t be gone much longer.”

  “I know you will,” I say. “And when you do, I’ll be here for you.”

  “You’re so goddamn amazing. I really . . . fuck, I really like you, Eve.”

  A stray tear falls past my cheek, and I have no idea why I’m crying. Why I’m so emotional. Maybe because I just got my period, maybe because this man has taken my heart by storm, maybe because I can feel the hurt that’s deep in his bones and the struggle he deals with, trying to find his self-worth. I went through the same thing after my dad died, but I’m finally on the right track; I know what I want. I just hope Reid can find the same clarity, and I want to be by his side, to help him look for it. Then again, I can only be that person if he allows me to be. You can only poke a brick wall so many times until your finger starts to go numb.

  I want to ask him more questions, get down to the real issue here, but knowing Reid’s personality and how closed off he is to pretty much everyone, I remind myself to take things slow, to let him open up in his own time. I just need to be patient.

  “I really like you too, Reid.”

  “And you know I mean more than friends, right? Like . . . lovers.” The way he says lovers, in a pseudosultry way, has me laughing out loud.

  “Lovers, huh? What a grown-up title.” In a different, slightly deeper voice, I say, “Hi, I’m Eve, and this is my lover, Reid.”

  “And then I whip out my dick for a handshake, or dickshake, if I may.”

  “You may not.” I chuckle. “Your dick is not for handshakes; it’s for me only. And why did I think of a milkshake when you said dickshake?”

  “Because my dick has deposited some pretty impressive milkshakes inside of you.”

  “Ew! Reid. What the hell is wrong with you?” He’s laughing so hard I don’t think he can hear me. “Don’t ever say that again.”

  “Are you complaining about my milkshakes?” he chokes out, still laughing.

  “And we’re done. Have a good night.” I hang up before he can talk about his “milkshakes” any longer.

  Seriously, men are so disgusting.

  I’m about to toss my phone to the side when it starts ringing again, Reid’s name lighting up the screen.

  “What do you want?” I answer, a smile creeping across my face.

  “Hey, you’re using too much salt right now; tone it down.”

  “You called back to lecture me?”

  “No. I called back to say I miss you.”

  Well . . . damn it.

  “Don’t say shit like that when I’m trying to be annoyed at you.”

  “I wish you were in my arms right now with my lips pressed against your sweet neck.”

  I nibble on my bottom lip, practically feeling his lips on me. “Stop it. You were just talking about dickshakes.”

  “I wish I could taste your lips right about now, the sweetest pair I’ve ever kissed.”

  “Laying it on thick.”

  “You want something thick?”

  Poof, the romance is gone.

  “Oh my God, Reid! Seriously, you need help.”

  “I wasn’t talking about my dick, Eve.”

  I roll my eyes, shifting in the tub. “Sure, okay, then. What were you talking about?”

  “My thumb. Want to sit on it?”

  “Night,” I groan, then hang up again.

  Seriously, he’s absolutely impossible. I haven’t had any intimate conversations with the other Knightly boys, but I would bet on Reid’s “thick thumb” that he’s the most pervy of them all.

  And for some reason, some sick and demented reason, I like it. Maybe that makes me a little pervy too.

  My phone rings again, and of course I answer it. “This better be good.”

  “Just wanted to tell you good night properly. I miss you, Eve.”

  I sigh, dropping my fake annoyance. “I miss you too, Reid.”

  “I’ll be back soon. Can’t wait to have you in my arms again.”

  “I can’t wait either; it’s my favorite place to be. Good night.”

  “Good night, beautiful.”

  I hang up and stare down at the dissipating bubbles of my bath. Everything is going to be okay. If I learned anything out of that phone conversation, besides confirming just how perverted Reid is, it’s that we’re going to be okay.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  REID

  “Are you nervous? I’m nervous. My legs are shaking. It’s like long-lost lovers being reunited.”

  “Can you shut the fuck up? Christ, man.”

  Why I brought Brig with me to talk to Eric I have no idea. I was having a weak moment, and after he asked to come for the tenth time, I finally gave in.

  The drive to Boston is only about four and a half hours, so I could have easily done it myself, but the thought of having company was appealing at the time. Now I’m wishing I was alone.

 
Although I have to admit, all the sightseeing we did yesterday was kind of fun. Instead of jumping right into bombarding Eric, we decided to take a day and walk around Boston. I showed Brig all my old stomping grounds and brought him to some of my favorite pubs, and then we spent the night in a fancy-as-shit hotel because Brig “has standards.” Though those standards somehow involve sharing a king-size bed.

  And I’m fucking tired this morning because he gabbed the entire night like we were two tweens at a slumber party. He kept telling me about this girl who he thinks is the one. Cue the eye roll. That’s what he says about every girl. But I know for sure she isn’t the one because she was a random woman we saw passing by on one of those drink-and-bike tours. He didn’t even talk to her—just glimpsed her for about a half second. He said if they were meant to be, the universe would pull them together again.

  I think at this point everyone in the family hopes Brig finds someone to spoil and fawn over—and soon. Because his tireless pursuit of love is starting to drive everyone crazy. Myself included.

  Maybe if he stopped trying so hard, it would just fall in his lap. But I know better than to tell the lovesick puppy that.

  “I’m going to act like you’re not really angry with me but just lashing out from nerves. Do you want to talk about it?”

  “No, I want you to stop talking.”

  “I understand you’re getting anxious about seeing Eric again, but that doesn’t mean you need to pick fights with me. I’m not going anywhere, bro. I’m here for you, no matter how hard you try to push me away.”

  Jesus. Christ.

  I reach into my pocket, pull out my wallet, and, just like when we were kids and I wanted him out of the way, take out a twenty and hand it over. But he doesn’t bite. No, he just stares at it and then back up at me.

  Voice rising, he says, “Are you trying to tell me that I came all this way—”

  “It was four hours.”

  “Four and a half,” he corrects. “I came all this way, pumped you up, helped you practice what you were going to say—”